Stepchildren Need Extra Attention

By Dr. Gary A. Weinberger

The re-marriage of a single parent restores the structure, stability, and security of a traditional family, as re-married parents are often happier, stepparents become role models, and the family's economic status is improved. However, the creation of a stepfamily often requires stressful adjustments for the children as well as the adults.

Stepfamilies may experience jealousy between children and the stepparent as each seeks the attention of the person who brought them together. The situation becomes even more difficult when both parents bring children to the new family. In addition, children may feel guilty when they begin to develop a relationship with the new parent.

Here are some suggestions to help make stepfamilies work:

• Inform the former spouse of plans for re-marriage and enlist his/her support in working with the children; ensure all family members that the former spouse's involvement in the child's life will not change.

 

• Allow opportunity for the children to become acquainted with the new parent prior to the actual wedding; this should help to reduce the children's anxiety over the new living arrangement.

 

• Establish equal responsibilities in the care and discipline of the children; both parents of the stepfamily should provide affection and attention to the children and determine methods of discipline.

 

• Involve all biological parents and stepparents in major decision-making processes related to the children; all involved parents should meet to discuss concerns about the child.

 

• Become sensitive to the child's needs and wants in relation to his/her role in the stepfamily; offer choices to the child when establishing his relationship with others in the new stepfamily.