TALKING TO YOUR TEENAGER ABOUT SEX

By:  Nadyne Lee, A.R.N.P.

            Talking with your teenager about sex and sexual responsibility isn’t easy.  You may feel embarrassed.  Your teen may not act receptive to what you say.  Many parents fear that their teens know more about sex than they do.  Parents feel that they don’t have the time or that they don’t know what to say.  Some fear that if they talk to their teens about sex, that it will be like giving them permission to be sexually active.

            Talking about sex is an important responsibility of parenthood.  It offers parents the opportunity to communicate family values, encourage responsibility and strengthen skills that will help teens to deal with peer pressure.  Teens want help with questions about sex, relationships, love, birth control and sexually transmitted disease.  They need support and guidance as they deal with pressure from peers, society and the media concerning sexual activity.

            Discussion of sexual responsibility should include frank and accurate information about the risks of sexual activity including pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.  But there is more to sexual responsibility than just preventing disease or unplanned pregnancy.  Responsible choice about sexual activity should be based on personal values and goals not peer pressure.  Sexual responsibility is knowing that healthy sex involves a mature committed relationship based on caring, trust and love.  Many teens are too young to form the mature life long committed relationship necessary for healthy sex.

            Teens need to know that sex is not a proof of adulthood.  Waiting until you’re ready for the emotional commitment of a sexual relationship is the true test of maturity.  Teens need to know that sexual activity won’t hold a troubled relationship together.  In fact the opposite is true.  It will cause more problems than it solves.

            Your teenagers’ friends may talk about their sexual exploits.  Movies, TV and magazines bombard our teens with sexual images.  So your teenager incorrectly believes that he or she is the only virgin in town.  It’s hard to resist what they believe everyone else is doing.  Decisions about sex should be based on personal moral conviction not peer pressure.  It takes strength of character to live according to your principles.  Teens need their parent’s encouragement and direction to find this strength of character within themselves.

            Parents should remind their teenagers that sex is not the only way to show their love, affection, caring and tenderness.  Abstinence from intercourse is a deep sign of respect and love.

            Opening the lines of communication makes it clear that you take your teens concerns seriously, that you will take time to guide and help, that you trust and respect your teen and that you love your teen and will be there no matter what.