EVERY CHILD MISBEHAVES

By: Nadyne Lee

Every child misbehaves from time to time.  It is important for parents to understand why children act the way they do and to respond to misbehavior in a constructive way.  Children misbehave because:

1.  They don’t know the rules.

2.  They know the rules but they break them anyway.

3.  They are sick or upset and “act up” for attention.

If you understand the cause of your child’s misbehavior, you can choose the best way to respond.  The first time a child draws on the wall or spills a box of cereal on the floor should be a time of instruction, not punishment.  Your child hasn’t learned all of the rules yet.

 If you know that your child knows the rules, but you suspect that hunger, sleepiness, or illness may be contributing to his or her behavior, then meet his or her physical needs before launching into disciplinary action.  If you know that your child is just acting up for attention or testing the limits, this is the time to help him understand the importance of keeping the rules through discipline.

To encourage good behavior, parents should:

1. Establish clear, fair rules.

2. Be consistent.  All children test the rules to see just how far they can get.

3. Be encouraging.  Catch your child keeping the rules, especially in the face of temptation.

Deal with misbehavior through:

1. Time outs (which last 1-2 minutes for each year of your child’s age).

2. Tune out (which means ignoring misbehavior designed to get attention. Let your child know you will respond only when the behavior stops).

3. Limit privileges.

4. Physical punishment only teaches that the use of violence is okay.  Physical punishment is not a good method of discipline.

If your child is aggressive (biting, hitting, fighting), don’t bite or hit your child to discipline him.  Stop the behavior by physically removing the child from the situation.  Use time out and discuss appropriate ways to handle anger.

Always be a good role model.  If you want your child to speak politely, don’t use bad language in his or her presence.  If you want your child to respect others, always be respectful yourself.  Don’t belittle your child.  Expect mistakes.  Work with your partner (your rules should be consistent and you should back each other).  Be sure to spend plenty of time with your child and catch him or her being good.  Good luck with this challenging aspect of parenting.